Struggles, Support and a Civic

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? I have lived and struggled some good struggles thus far but the one struggle that resides deep in my soul and will stay with me for the rest of my days is breastfeeding my first son.

I had dreams. Dreams of Hudson doing the breast crawl and self latching. I had visions of my sweet baby suckling on my breast while staring into my eyes with love. I foresaw my breasts bursting with amazing breast milk. What I didn’t dream of was struggling to nurse my baby. That was not something I planned for and boy was I in for a rude awakening.

Breastfeeding is the natural (meaning non artificial. Mamas that bottle feed please do not take offence!) way to feed your baby. Sounds lovely right. What Isn’t natural is struggling to nurse your baby without any help. Back in the day when breastfeeding was the norm we grew up watching our mothers, aunts, and sisters breastfeed babies (sometimes not even their own!). When it came time to nurse your own baby you had a world of experience supporting you. Fast forward to 2018 and breastfeeding is making a huge come back! The majority of new mothers go into labour with the interest and intent to breastfeed in some form but the reality is a large portion of those won’t continue breastfeeding beyond the first few weeks.

Why? Why is it that so many of us struggle with something that is supposed to be natural? I think one significant reason is that it’s new to most of us! We don’t really know what we’re doing, it’s a learning experience! When you first learnt how to spell your name did you just wing it and instinctively know how to do it or what it should look like? Or did you have someone who has done it before, maybe even an expert by the name of teacher, show you and support your learning?!
Another reason some of us struggle is because we come across difficulties that aren’t always easy to overcome. Latching, breast anatomy, sleepy baby, tongue and lips ties, low milk supply, over supply, this list can go on.

Weather it be the newness of this experience or a set back such latch issues I believe a lack of support can make or break your breastfeeding experience.

My first son was born via section and sadly our first breastfeeding experience was performed with help of hospital staff while I was passed out on drugs. I wasn’t even aware it was happening. This was just the tip of our breastfeeding struggles. I don’t feel it’s important to cover all the dirty details, but I do want to share that while I love breastfeeding and promote its awesomeness I am not ignorant to how real the struggle can be. I’ve been there. I know how it feels to want so badly what other mothers seem to do so effortlessly. I remember being at a birthday party and watching a friend of a friend breastfeed her baby while drinking a coffee. I hope she didn’t noticed me staring and if she did I would want her to know that I was happy for her. Happy, but also deeply jealous and irrationally angry. While she so causally nursed her sweet little baby I was sweating with anxiety while I one handedly removed my plastic nipple shield from a Tupperware container, licking it (so it would stick) and strategically slapping it on my breast, praying to god that my baby would latch on to it.

Life isn’t fair, I get it. Sometimes your dealt a shitty hand. But when it comes to nursing your newborn it feels down right hurtful. Almost like Mother Nature herself has whispered in your ear “sorry, you just ain’t cuttin it mama”.

For those of you that have been blessed with great milk supply’s and babies that latch like they were born to do it (cause they are!) you might not 100% understand the guilt and sorrow a new mother feels when she’s struggling to nurse her baby. And mothers of mothers, fathers, and friends, you too may not fully understand the feelings of failure.

You can sympathize yes, but Unless you have been there it’s hard to explain.

Imagine you have just been told that the world is going to end. There’s a bomb big enough that if detonated would destroy earth. There is one person in the whole world who has the means to deactivate the bomb. Your job is to drive this person from the airport 5 hours to the bomb, in a civic. You have no way of knowing how much gas is in the car, how much gas will it take to get there or if there are any gas stations along the way. You might even struggle getting this person into the car. The weight of the world is on you and you have to simply believe you were chosen for this job because you CAN do it.

Sure this is dramatic. But when your second job after giving life to your baby is to feed them and keep them alive it can feel very “life or death”. Some mamas feel strongly about feeding their baby only breast milk, some are ok with formula and do a mixture and some prefer to not breastfeed. But when your primary plan is to exclusively breastfeed it can be extremely emotional and feel very heavy on your shoulders if you are struggling to do so. Just typing this brings back all of those emotions I felt when my first breastfeeding journey did not go how i imagined it would.

I recently was catching up on my Netflix bingeing when I found myself crying watching “Jane The Virgin”. I’m not a huge crier, and I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant but there I was eating a bowl of left over gold fish crackers with tears rolling down my checks. In the episode Jane is about 4 days post partum after giving birth to her son. She’s struggling to breastfeed and her mother suggests formula. She says “it’s ok if it’s not working”.

The reason Jane (and I) start crying is not that we feel formula is bad, it’s that we just really want to do this good thing for our baby. Jane’s mother realizes she needs to be supportive and asks what she can do to help. We all need Jane’s mom! We need someone to encourage and support us when we feel like we are failing.

I did breastfeed Hudson. I also used a shield, pumped and gave a bottle of my milk and formula for a year. However a mother chooses to feed her baby is her choice and it’s a choice she needs to make. Only she knows what is best for her family unit and she deserves support too, however that may look.

I keep saying this word. Support. Suuupooort. It keeps coming up because it’s so very important!!! During a time in your life when you are very suddenly in charge of keeping another human alive doing something you haven’t ever done before, you need people on your side. People to encourage you, believe in you and to encourage you to believe in yourself.

I remember spending hours alone in my sons nursery, crying and praying he would just latch while my family and my husbands family enjoyed each other’s company. They wanted us to succeed, they just didn’t know how to help us get there. I reached out for help. I did. But sadly at the time there wasn’t anyone qualified to provide us the help we needed. This is why it’s so imperative that you and your support team know what resources are available to you. I sound like a broken record when I say this but, if you don’t know your options you won’t have any! It’s also important to know when its time to reach out for professional help.

When it comes to breastfeeding, time is of the essence. I won’t bore you with science but take my professional word for it, if you struggle early on and don’t receive help, your supply and over all experience can suffer. If you have issues getting your baby to latch, if you have moderate discomfort or damage to your nipples, if baby isn’t pooping or peeing enough, if your baby doesn’t effectively nurse or falls asleep after a few sucks, baby is lethargic and doesn’t show Interest in nursing 8-12 times in 24hrs, if baby is “failing to thrive”, if you suffer from continuous blocked ducts, really this this could go on and on. Straight up If you have a gut feeling, listen to it. There are many different options for help. There is mother to mother support, public health, Nurses, Doulas, and private Lactation Consultants and Counselors. If you reach out and don’t get the help you need, don’t give up, move onto the next option.
There are different levels of lactation education and experience.

I’m a Certified Lactation Counselor with the Academy of Lactation Policy and Practice. This education was in-depth but I still felt I wasn’t equipped to help all mothers with latching issues. I realized I needed more education, specifically tongue and lip tie education. So I traveled to the states and added to my tool box. Since then I have identified dozens up dozens of restricted ties that were causing breastfeeding difficulties. I truly believe my breastfeeding struggles with Hudson could have been relieved if someone had just assessed his tongue.

I’m not telling you this with a self promoting agenda. I’m telling you this because I believe it. I’ve lived it. When my second son was born I recognized things weren’t right, hired help and our breastfeeding journey was very enjoyable, amazing actually. I’ve lived this struggle and learnt. I want mothers out there who have struggled to know your not alone and to future mothers, hear me when I say there is help out there!!! You just need to recognize when it’s time to ask.

Sometimes that civic you have been asked to drive doesn’t quite make it to the bomb. Does that mean it’s all over?! Noooooo. In the distance you see a gas station and the person there waiting to pump you gas has a kind face, warm heart and a world of knowledge to share. They fill your civic, give you a map with a short cut to get there and look you deep in the Eyes and say “believe in yourself, you got this!”

Breastfeeding might not be all that you dreamt it would be, and that’s ok. Surround your self with support and let that awesomeness guide you and support you on a positive and beautiful breastfeeding journey that you will look back on with joy and pride.