Beyond These 4 Walls

Sleep training, sleep solutions, sleep consulting. What does this mean to you? Do you think “I would never!” “Cry it out causes detriment to your child” or “heck yes when can I start?!”

It’s true that a mama’s intuition plays a huge role when deciding what is right for you and your baby but what about science?! One mama’s opinion can be so polar opposite from another. In a day where mommy networks and social media play a large part in where we get our advice, it can be hard to filter through so many opinions and form our own decisions.

Picture yourself in a box with a small window on each side. You ask the question, “Should I sleep train my baby?” From one window a mother tells you no! It can cause stress and attachment issues. Another window a mother tells you to wait it out. A part of parenting is sleep deprivation. The third window you hear how successful sleep training was and they would do it again, the last window a mother tells you that babies need their mamas and it’s selfish of you to abandon them.

Sitting inside the box you are receiving many forms of advice. But the mothers giving the advice only hear their own. Isn’t this the truth? I can relate to this analogy almost every time I scroll the mommy network. it may be unrealistic to think someone giving advice would read the other options and perhaps broaden their thoughts. But I would hope the receiver of advice would filter through it carefully to make the best decision for her and her baby.

This can be so hard! How do you know what’s right for you? Can you trust these strangers? Is their advice very personal and passionate or is it evidence based. This is where science can shed some light!

I tell my new parents to use this acronym for birth choices and everything following after.

B- Benefits “what are the benefits of this course of action for me and my baby”
R- Risk. “Are there any risks to me and my baby?”
A- Alternatives. “What other options are there?”
I- Intuition “how do I feel about this course of action?”
N- Nothing. “What happens if I do nothing right now?”

This can be used for making decisions about almost anything. But let’s use this to take a look at the very heated question, “should I sleep train?”.

B- Let’s talk about the benefits of teaching your baby or older child to sleep well. First, sleep is an extremely important life skill that all humans need to learn to insure survival. Just like learning to eat, learning to fall asleep takes practise. Babies need the space and time to develop and practise the skill of falling asleep. By learning to sleep well a baby has the ability to sooth back into sleep after each sleep cycle. As an adult we roll over, pull covers up etc. Babies who don’t have this skill cry out for help to fall asleep after each cycle. Sure you don’t see a 30 year old man needed to be rocked by his mother but good sleep is MOST important in our young years when our brains are growing. That leads me to my next point. Have you ever thought about why babies need so much sleep? I might really thought about the science behind it?! Next time you see your sweet little baby resting with their eyes fluttering back and forth know they are growing!!! During R.E.M. Sleep (eye fluttering) you dream and store memories. Of the 16-18 hrs a new born sleeps 50% of that is R.E.M. Sleep! This makes sense. Everything is new for babies. They are constantly learning, observing, and practising new skills. They need a significant amount of time to organize and store all of this new information in their ever growing brains. On the flip side of this notion another area that researchers study is the impact that a lack of adequate sleep has on learning and memory. When we are sleep deprived, our focus, attention, and vigilance drift, making it more difficult to receive information. This is true of infants as well. Without adequate sleep and rest, over-worked neurons can no longer function to coordinate information properly, and we lose our ability to access previously learned information. We have all seen an over tired/stimulated baby turn away or burry their face in mamas embrace. A well-rested baby is happy and confident to explore their world and learn new skills. 

Another study discusses how “Longer sleep corresponds with greater growth in body length”. All humans secret HGH (growth hormone) during periods of sleep. This particular study followed a group of infants, measuring their length and head circumference while charting sleep patterns. Over all the study concluded that there is a direct relation between sleep and growth.

Another very important yet grossly overlooked benefit to teaching your little one to sleep is that you and the rest of your family will get more sleep too!!! I can speak from experience that I was not the mother I wanted and needed to be when I was chronically sleep deprived. You need sleep to function as well. How many moms get a few hours of broken sleep at night then go about their busy day as usual? Almost every mama would be my guess. Studies show that chronic sleep deprivation can have effects similar to that of someone intoxicated! You wouldn’t drive your kids around drunk right? Yet we have all had to drive to the grocery store or swim lessons after weeks or months of a few broken hours of sleep. I once was so tired I went into my bathroom at 3 am and started applying my makeup! I realized what I was doing and it scared me. How can I take care of my children like this? I’m going insane!!! Now here is a benefit you may not have thought of, your relationship with your spouse. The majority, not all, but let’s be real here, the majority of sleep deprivation is placed on the mother. Thank you nature. Not only have I carried, grew a human and birth it but now this life depends on me for food and a mother’s comfort that no one can replace. This is a badge of honour and I would say most of us wouldn’t trade it for the world but come 11, 2, 4 am when you look over at your hubby snoring away in a puddle of drool and you are up AGAIN feeding your sweet baby, a little (or a lot!) of resentment can sneak in. It’s now morning and your spouse leaves for work where they get to use the toilet, alone. Enjoy a hot freshly brewed coffee. They eat lunch at 12. Maybe they surf the net or have an intelligent conversation with a fellow adult. You? Your at home, feeding others, bathing others, and wiping bums all on a few hours of sleep. Do you see we’re I’m going with this. Does it reside with you? I can tell you that once your baby is sleeping 12 hrs a night, having naps and in their own room your relationship will gain. Mine sure did.

R- What are the risks of sleep training? I’m sure you have heard or perhaps even read “studies” that show sleep training can cause permanent brain damage and long term attachment issues in babies leading further into adulthood. An older study that sparked heated Conversation was actually done in Russian orphanages. Where babies were left to cry and abandoned during the night and during the day. This can cause serious attachment issues amongst other long term problems. This leads me to my second risk point. If you do not understand the concepts of “sleep training” and perform it incorrectly there is a chance you could cause detrimental effects to your little one. This is why I highly recommend support and guidance from a professional pediatric sleep consultant. There are many different methods to help your child learn to sleep and none of them include leaving your baby to cry without your support and love. Since the Russian study there have been attempts to perform more controlled studies. Where the science stands now is that children who have been supported to sleep on their own do not show any detrimental effects at age 2, 4 and 6. Dr. Alice Callahan is the author or “The Science of Mom” and has thoroughly read through the controlled studies giving us the final breakdown. “No study is perfect in design, execution, and interpretation. This is why it takes a body of evidence, built over time, for us to understand anything. So far, the body of evidence on this topic says that sleep training is an effective way to help most kids get a better night’s sleep, and there is no evidence that it is harmful.” I will attach a link to her page if you are interested in reading more! https://scienceofmom.com/2016/02/17/my-sleep-mantra-and-babyms-sleep-story/

Some psychologists say the stress mother and baby feel during the crying that happens during sleep training can cause cortisol levels to intermittently increase and cause unnecessary physiological stress on the mother baby relationship. Sure that can be true. But answer me this. Would you rather experience a few nights of intermittent stress or drive with your little ones while so sleep deprived you would be compared to someone intoxicated? Academies, Associations and Governments across the board do recommend room sharing for up to 6 months to decrease the risk of SIDS. If you are choosing to move your baby to their own room this is a risk vrs. benefit situation. It’s always best to do what feels right and what will benefit your family. Also keep in mind that not all forms of sleep training require a baby to be moved into their own room. This notion also goes with night feeding. As someone who is a CLC and struggled with supply, cutting out nights feeds all together at a young age was not an option. This is the beauty of a customized sleep plan. It can be catered to what best suits you and your baby’s needs.
The last risk I will mention is guilt. You might feel guilty or be made to feel this way by others. Puff your chest mama bear! Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for either choosing to sleep train or deciding it’s not right for you.

A- Alternatives! I love this one. To me it says “let’s bust the lid off that box!” If you don’t like the advice coming from those 4 windows then look for more! People hear “sleep training” and think fiberizing (leaving your baby to cry alone in the dark all night). This is not the case!!! Sleep training is a supportive, loving way of giving your baby the space and freedom to learn a new skill. There are options! Different ways to do it. And the best part of hiring a sleep trainer is that they are there to support you, guide you and make changes along the way to best suit your family. Another option is wait. Wait till your ready or better said, wait till you lose your mind/go insane then decide its time. Lol. Lastly an option can be to do what’s working for you at the time. If co-sleeping makes you happy and your little ones are getting the sleep they need to grow then all the power to you!

I- Mamas intuition! This is a force that no amount of science can measure. Follow your gut. It will almost always be right. If sleep training feels like an option that will work well for your family then go with it. If your gut tells you your not sure, your on the fence, then reach out for support and look at what options there are. And lastly if your guts says your not ready or it’s not the best option for you then stick with it!

N- What if I do nothing? Well if you do nothing you could be putting yourself at risk for chronic sleep deprivation, depriving your little one of good consolidated sleep and development of an important life skill. On the other hand if you do nothing and what your currently doing is working then then enjoy this special time! Just remember that what might be working now might change down the road. This is what happens most commonly. Moms do their best to cope as long as they can until they can’t. And this is OK!!! There is no shame in changing your game plan.

If you are ever confused, feel alone, or are on the fence with a decision just remember BRAIN. Make informed decisions mamas!!! Google, mommy networks, friends and family all have their own experiences and information which can be helpful but also sometimes very misleading and contradictory. What works for one may not work for another! Be confident in your mama bear intuition and don’t be afraid to bust the lid off that box, you might just find information you need beyond those 4 walls.